Recently, someone said I should have a blog. Interestingly, I do have one. I haven’t used it much, though.
Just like it’s difficult to admit when things are not going well, I believe it’s difficult to admit it when things are going well. As if daring to utter such words could cause some sort of karmic force in the universe to realize its mistake and set one’s fortune to its rightful place.
It’s difficult to admit it, but my life has been going well. Really well. I’m happy. I’m so happy, that my happiness is beyond words, so my writing has vanished.
The reference that comes to mind is that of Oscar Wilde, so prolific and genius when apart from his lover Bosie, but the complete opposite when with him. Maybe happiness is the death of the artist, as if art feeds on the despair surrounding its maker.
Writing always brought to me a cathartic kind of magic spell. As I typed away and this magic dawned on me, it provided strength to overcome problems and to deal with the hate and ignorance that faced me.
As an added benefit, it always calmed me about any particularly recent issue, or even allowed me to see a problem with a different perspective. Both useful.
But in the last few months, I’ve been happy. The need for catharsis hasn’t been there. Nothing to be healed. Which is somewhere I’ve never been before. And it’s delightful. And it makes me happier still.
The need to create has still been present, though. I haven’t been feeding it with writing, however. I’ve been feeding it consistently at work. And when work doesn’t use up all my creative energies, I draw, I sketch, I take photos. And as I do, I don’t post them here on my blog. I don’t feel it’s the right medium. Its use is slow and cumbersome for such small feats.
So I’ve been posting on Instagram. If this blog allowed me to heal when I felt down in the past by holding things I couldn’t say, Instagram allows me to rejoice in the present by holding the proofs of my happiness and surrounding me with support and showing me countless other creative works.
I’m working at Electronic Arts. Once one of the worst companies to work for, now it has fortunately changed that tradition. I deal with updating one of their apps to a new visual look, while making as many improvements as I can. I keep trying to make things look better, more usable, faster. I get to design screens and program them too, both things I enjoy, and likely wouldn’t get to do together in most other companies. I get to exercise all my creativity, both in the visual side and in logical coding side. And it’s wonderful.
I’ve noticed that I have no trouble waking up in the morning to go to work, which is something completely new for me, since in college I always dreaded having to go to “the place that kills dreams” that it was.
The people I work with are great. I have three people above me, one who manages the product, one who manages the visual look, and one who manages the team. And they’re all incredibly supportive and encouraging.
As I write this, the man I love is napping next to me, in our new apartment. It’s sunny and beautiful outside. Earlier today, we threw oats outside the balcony and watched as a crowd of geese, ducks and a single squirrel quickly gathered before the apparent bounty. It felt good. Things are good.